Swan Songs

You learn a lot about a cat when you watch them die.

*Crack*
The whipcrack of Emberstorm's claws split the air as I dove in for a restraining blow. The large ginger cat is too big to get her claws up in time so surely this will end the fight. This is how the Sunningrocks will be returned to my Riverclan and we will no longer be so dependent on the whims of the river. This is how Reedstar will respect me again.
But her other claw is in the way.
It's coming for my jugular.
It's too late to stop.
Too late to stop.
It's too late

*Crack*
There was no pain— at least not first. Instinct took over, my lithe body turned itself around as it had done a thousand times before.
But no.
Not this time.
My muscles strained but I did not move. But there was no response. My body, the one thing I could count on, betrayed me. I screamed in frustration but could produce nothing but empty gargle is all I have.
That was when I noticed the wetness.

*Crack*
Water takes many forms. The cool shock of a sun-up swim. The piercing wail of a howling storm. The rough embrace of your mate's tongue.
The gentle press of your kit's nose, blindly searching for your life's milk. So completely helpless. Helpless without me.
But this was different. It was an empty warm. The blood pooled out, clinging desperately to everything it could. A greedy carmine pool, that's what I had become.

*Crack*
I'm a kit again. Troutclaw tells me that my mother was gone, run away with a Thunderclan cat. Unable to face me and unwilling to bring me with her. Wolfsnout offers me her belly and I hungrily accept but it's not the same. Wolfsnout's milk is sour.

*Crack*

Troutstar steps onto the meeting rock. He is making me an apprentice at the same time as Reedpaw and Raggedpaw. I have no doubt that we will become the best of friends. Even then I notice the eyes that follow me. The whispered comments about how I will make a fantastic queen. The eyes have already made up their mind. They have a path for me.

*Crack*

It is time to become a warrior! Reedpaw and I wonder what names we'll be given. We giggle in the early light as I suggest that Reedweed might be the most accurate description of his personality. I want to be named Cornstrike but he shoots it down, thinking I will probably be given Cornflower. I do not want to be named Cornflower.

*Crack*

Reedwhisker and I fight together. Bound by a shared understanding that we must become fighters or be killed by one of Troutstar's cronies. It's us against the world. Practice. Practice. Practice. One day he licks my neck in appreciation and as the warmth flows through me, I realise that we have both changed. Things will never be the same.

*Crack*
I did not want kits. But once Fogkit and Duskkit came into this world I knew what I must do. They were never going to taste sour milk.

*Crack*
Reedstar is the leader and I become his deputy. But of course, that is not enough. The whispers called me "the mate". I must prove them wrong.


*Crack*
Reedstar seems to be growing distant. It is no longer us against the world. We have become the world. We must spend so much time keeping the clan together and raising our kits that we grow to forget who each other are. Perhaps he is looking for a new mate. Someone who will defend the clan. I must become that enforcer.

*I love you*
With a great breath, I am drawn back to the present. A powerful heat penetrates the stick warmth of my spreading blood.

*Fogpaw and Duskpaw will be okay.*
Reedstar lays down beside me. His tongue gently arching its way across my brow.

*I love you*
I can no longer see. The colors fade around me. Take care of our kits Reedweed. Don't let them break too many rules.

*I love you*

I'm glad I got to spend this life with you

*I love you*

I love you

*I love you*
*I love you*
*I love you*